Yesterday. Right ankle. WAS NOT MY FAULT – there was a rug and I was discarding a doggy “pee pad” (which the poor geriatric dog had partially MISSED – thus there was a PUDDLE, too) and all factors colluded against me to twist one of my weak ankles and cause me to collapse to the floor (fortuitously AWAY from the urine). It was the more common “inversion injury”:
I don’t expect sympathy at this point. Oh no. I just thought that I’d take this opportunity to selflessly educate others through my pain.
For the second time in a few short months, I recognized that I did retain a few USEFUL facts from the myriad quizzes I took while working in health care (even though I resented them as I worked in an office setting and they were primarily about clinical issues – you know – don’t stand in a puddle of blood* and whatnot). I wrote the following comment on Terry’s site when I was noting that symptoms for heart attack are often VERY DIFFERENT in men and women:
Realizing I learned SOMETHING from the stupid certification tests they made us take when I worked for a hospital that I bitched about because I did office work and didnt want to know what the gray area meant in case of a catastrophic disaster (DONT GO THERE, THEY MEANS THEY ARE JUST GOING TO LET YOU DIE).
What came back to me upon this special occasion was the mnemonic device/acronym “R.I.C.E.” to be used in the treatment of sprains or strains. And what is “R.I.C.E.”, one may ask (other than the staple food of myriad countries)? I will impart this wisdom forthwith.
If you strain or sprain a limb (and you KNOW it’s a sprain or strain because there are no bones sticking out of your flesh or a number of other clues that you can look up YOURSELF that might denote something OTHER than a sprain), do the following:
If you take the aforementioned steps as soon as possible after the injury you will heal faster. Post haste, I say! Over-the-counter pain relievers can be comforting (and stronger pain relievers MIND-BOGGLING). Avoid any medication that makes you want to dance or undulate or writhe uncontrollably. Oh – and rent crutches and milk it for all it’s worth, Baby!
Now you cannot say I never told you SOMETHING educational. And no, I’m not a doctor, nor have I ever played one on TV. Well, this one time I did play a woman in an “industrial” film who was exceedingly concerned about the fact that her friend’s child seemed to be running a temperature. I believe one of my lines was, “Shouldn’t we call a doctor???!!!!” Ah, the leaning in closer to her and the furrowed brow and the perfect emphasis on the word “doctor” – not too much, not too little – OOOHHHHHH the pathos. And it was all ME.
*I kid you not – someone said this to us at an orientation session during a “safety” lecture (I think he even further clarified that it was worse to stand in a puddle of blood while touching electronic equipment). He was a nurse. Admittedly, I NEVER – not even once – stood in a puddle of blood while I worked in health care.