Oh no I di’nt.
Alas, I did. I put it right up front. Julianne, ever-cute spouse of my baby brother, Lil’ David (I cannot say more, or I’D HAVE TO KILL YOU), is THIRTY YEARS OLD TODAY! Yes, this very day. Huzzah and birthday greetings, Julianne! I hope you have a wondrous day full of joy and dazzling, splendiferous, unequaled grandeur.
Now, a confession. It was my idea to send you thirty things (preferably from the dollar store). At least MOM shopped for the items, not me. I’d have included items like axle grease and a package of four vinyl flower-bedecked floor tiles and one place mat (with a Southwestern theme) and a baton (WITH tinsel-covered ends) and a package of fifty-three fire rescue squad plastic figures and some cologne (yuuummmm) and some really large faux orange dahlias and a wooden spoon (?) and definitely a few glitter-encrusted Tchotchkes badly painted in a third-world country. Oh – and some socks.
SHE thought that perhaps you should actually receive some items that were vaguely utilitarian. Oh well.