Mostly whimsy and drivel of no consequence. And CHEESE.
I think it’s time for a contest.
You must be ever so clever to read this blog (definitely sanity-challenged).
The following list has circled the World Wide Web Comedy superhighway at least a bejillion-trillion times, but it still makes me laugh. Today I’m especially fond of #22 and #28. OOooh. #7 is good, too. I am reminded of Shel Silverstein’s delightfully wicked Uncle Shelby’s ABZ Book Alas, they’ve subtitled the reissue with “A Primer for Adults Only” while the former edition was subtitled “a primer for tender young minds.” That’s very amusing because it’s ironic. The publishers are Liticaphobic wussies.
Anyhoo, I think we should use the list below as a literary jumping off point – let’s create darkly comedic “failed children’s books” pastiche. Huzzah!
Please submit your entries as blog comments.
Perhaps there will be a prize. It could be a lovely prize. It might also be complete rubbish. Such is the speculative nature of this madcap existence we call life.
Children’s Books That Didn’t Make It.
dan
October 14th, 2003 at 12:08 am
That’s funny, cause I was actually thinking about writing a children’s book today. Really. Anyhoo, here are some that I probably won’t write:
1. Hop on Pop’s Balls
2. Don’t Worry, Suzy: Math is for Boys.
3. I Can Talk Good Now!
4. Bippo the Clown Drinks Goat Blood
5. Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Priest
6. Where the Prostitutes Are
7. Encyclopedia Brown meets Nancy Drew in The Mystery Between My Legs
8. Bluedart-a-Rama!
9. Sitting on the Washing Machine: A Guide to Feeling Good at Home
10. Your Secretary’s Pretty, Daddy: Fun Father-Daughter Secrets
11. Mommy’s Mailman Friend: Fun Mother-Son Secrets
12. You Can’t Get Pregnant Your First Time!
13. Kinder Cross-Burning
14. Mommy’s Home Cigarettes Smell Different
15. There’s a Bomb in Mommy’s Purse: Fun Jokes With Airport Security.
16. All the Places I Can Poop
17. Harry Potter Gets His Pubes
18. Ramona the Whore
19. Fun with Fire
Xappie Bagellandra
October 24th, 2003 at 2:49 pm
I think you need “At midnight, your grandfather turns into either a pumpkin or vampire”
“Everytime you hear an ambulance, it is because someone has choked on a chicken bone”
“If you don’t share, the Sherriff will shoot you”
“How to put your cat up for sale”
“A candy corn eaten backwards will blow up the world”
“Lightning can strike anything metal including your bed”
These are the stories that I was told when I was little- on a daily basis. Oh how treasured they are!
NOTE: I submitted these on behalf of a friend of mine because I liked them ever so much and thought that EVERYONE should get to see them, not just me. -Kate