Filed under: Just so You Know...
Author: Kate Bartholomew
I think it’s time for a contest.
You must be ever so clever to read this blog (definitely sanity-challenged).
The following list has circled the World Wide Web Comedy superhighway at least a bejillion-trillion times, but it still makes me laugh. Today I’m especially fond of #22 and #28. OOooh. #7 is good, too. I am reminded of Shel Silverstein’s delightfully wicked Uncle Shelby’s ABZ Book Alas, they’ve subtitled the reissue with “A Primer for Adults Only” while the former edition was subtitled “a primer for tender young minds.” That’s very amusing because it’s ironic. The publishers are Liticaphobic wussies.
Anyhoo, I think we should use the list below as a literary jumping off point – let’s create darkly comedic “failed children’s books” pastiche. Huzzah!
Please submit your entries as blog comments.
Perhaps there will be a prize. It could be a lovely prize. It might also be complete rubbish. Such is the speculative nature of this madcap existence we call life.
Children’s Books That Didn’t Make It.
- You Are Different and That’s Bad
- The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
- Dad’s New Wife Robert
- Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
- Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
- The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking
- Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
- Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
- All Cats Go to Hell
- The Little Sissy Who Snitched
- Some Kittens Can Fly
- That’s it; I’m Putting You Up for Adoption
- Grandpa Gets a Casket
- The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
- Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
- The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
- Strangers Have the Best Candy
- Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
- You Were an Accident
- Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
- Pop! Goes The Hamster…And Other Great Microwave Games
- The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
- Your Nightmares Are Real
- Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
- Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
- Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
- Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
- Daddy Drinks Because You Cry