Just so You Know… Category

I’m Blinded with Science

21 Nov 2010 In: Just so You Know...

I’ve been writing blog entries in my head (much to the delight of – em – the voices?). Perhaps, because, as a friend very diplomatically said to me, I’ve got too much time on my hands. Mind you, it’s only because I’ve been RESPONSIBLE and have been resting my lungs so that bronchio-spasms didn’t get out of control and that the consolidation would clear and the virus wouldn’t turn into some secondary infection. So, over a MONTH later, I find that I have briefly and tentatively left the house TWICE. (*Not counting a a couple days in Austin for the LIVESTRONG Challenge, but that’s a story for another time.)

It’s okay, I’m not complaining (at least not at the moment). I’m lucky it’s not worse; my oxygen saturation is always normal (even when I have secret pneumonia). It’s just that when you’ve got to stay relatively “quiet” and sometimes the meds make even gentle entertainment not very desirable, one has to assiduously work to control a brain, that I confess, runs on the edge.

So, all things considered, particularly at the moment, THE HORMONES… Oh – beg pardon – did I say, HORMONES????? Deal with it, squeamish ones. For such is life. FULL OF HORMONES!!! Bad ones, good ones, all sorts of HORMONES!!! Fine. Enough for now. hormones Okay, my most humble apologies – I shall set some things aside.

So we’ll hold off on mental illness, avulsion fractures (COOLEST NAME), crooked arms,@DeltaAssist reading and complimenting my blog (?), Mean Holidays and taking the “Challenge” out of the LIVESTRONG Challenge. And failed pies. I am putting all of those on the back shelf. Is that an expression? It SEEMS like it is an expression, so it must BE an expression, or it SHOULD be an expression.

Therefore, with no further ado, let’s talk about the important subject of THE BEST CHRISTMAS GIFT I’VE EVER SEEN ON THE COVER OF A CATALOG. It has been well established over the years that my mother receives pretty much every catalog imaginable. And I’ve written about some of the interesting consequences of this phenomenon.

Yet last week, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but THIS:

Does this Belly Bump make me look fat?

The only thing that could make it better is that these items, called “Belly Bumps,” are in the Museum Tour catalog. This catalog is chock-full of educational toys; there are categories for architecture, history, engineering, math, art and MONEY MANAGEMENT. This is the catalog that I saw Leif, who realizes he cannot receive every item on his extensive Christmas list, but who definitely wants “a couple of chemistry sets,” reading as though it were a secret, brand-new Harry Potter novel.

I could contend that I have a point. I MAY come up with one later (I may – don’t judge me). The truth at this moment is simply this: I want to run amok wearing a belly bump.

New, New, NEW

6 Mar 2009 In: Just so You Know...

With invaluable assistance of The Guru (okay, “assistance” is somewhat misleading – I looked at some WordPress themes and when he proposed the current one I said, “OOOH – I love the swirls!”) the Tiny Pineapple Dynasty has new and super-cool tools and a better location. These tools are rather above my head for the moment, but – hey – give me some time.

For now, all bow down to The Guru, ESPECIALLY in undying gratitude for the revolving Cheese Wisdom (how impressive is THAT).

Oh – for the time being, I haven’t any idea how to send notifications (please don’t weep my many eager readers – ha, ha?) though I should still land in peoples’ feeds. I wish, personally, I liked feeds more (as they are undeniably handy), but I cannot get over the feeling that they are a little like Reader’s Digest Abridged Books and that I am missing something.

The Best Nurse Book EVER

3 Jan 2008 In: Just so You Know...

I’ve always been a dedicated fan of and sometimes contributor to the Tiny Pineapple Nurse Book Collection: Career Romances for Young Moderns. But tonight – what to my wondering eyes should appear, but THIS:

Nurse Kathryn - Psychiatric Delight

It’s Christmas Morning all over again.

Soon…A Little Later

14 Nov 2007 In: Just so You Know...

It is midnight again. One thing at a time, right?

It’s CUTE, damn it.

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10 Nov 2007 In: Just so You Know..., LIVESTRONG

Once I have my data loaded back onto my spankin’ new hard drive, the changes begin:

  • Mammogram update (no cancer – just a festive description of the experience).
  • LITTLE WALLOP!!! I’ve been waiting for the right time to introduce this one forever.
  • A belated update on the 2007 Gloucester Cheese Rolling Competition.
  • Introducing two local LIVESTRONG Armies…
  • Buh-bye, pink; welcome back “Midnight.”

I’m excited. YOU SHOULD BE, TOO.

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29 Oct 2007 In: Just so You Know..., LIVESTRONG

Tomorrow, at the ungodly bright, early hour of 8:00 a.m. I am getting my very first mammogram. Breast Cancer Awareness month is almost over, and I thought this was an appropriate finale to this time frame. Also tomorrow, in furtherance of Breast Cancer AWARENESS, I thought I might make everyone AWARE that they’ve been extraordinarily remiss – nay – NEGLECTFUL of the worthy goals of Team Tiny Pineapple.

The idea was to raise a mere $250 for Susan G. Komen for the Cure. The suggested donation was only $5. FIVE DOLLARS! Let me put that into even more clear perspective; I found five dollars – if I can find five dollars, anyone can pull together five dollars. Seriously, ANYONE.

Incidentally, I did not know that you could not wear lotion or deodorant/antiperspirant to a mammogram. Did you know that? This is what my Mother tells me anyway, and she has experience in the area. She claims they will actually reschedule your appointment if you don either beforehand.

It did occur to me that perhaps she thought it might be really hilarious to see what happens if I go in and say to the Radiology Technologist, “I’m not wearing any deodorant; let’s get started!” If the tech backs off I will know this was her devious plan.

It’s not YOU, It’s ME

21 Sep 2007 In: Just so You Know...

I thought all the love was gone…

No comments whatsoever concerning my new midnight blueness and pirates (argh!) and my titillating and ongoing fruit fly battle. Isn’t that sad?

So I decided to leave myself a comment, under the pretense of “testing” the function of the apparatus. Really, I was just being like a busker who puts the money in their own guitar case so that other people will throw money in there, too. Pitiful.

But what did I discover? The comment function ISN’T working. HUZZAH!

Oh. I mean I’m very sorry. I’ll see if I can figure it out or, better yet, if I can beg the assistance of The Mighty Guru (of PANTS), who did, after all, put my “infinite” sidebar back (his choice of words, though I suppose I cannot completely disagree).

Thank you, and Good Night.

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Happy 100th?

12 Sep 2007 In: Celebrate!, Just so You Know...

Here’s a little incentive to stay married for what Smash aptly described as “a crazy amount of time”: Next year my parents (43rd Anniversary) should gift each other travel.

But that’s not the incentive of which I speak. This is the gift that REALLY impressed me: For year forty-four the recommended present is GROCERIES. Yes, GROCERIES.

Everything between the forty-fifth and the hundredth wedding anniversary is a jewel of some variety. Not groceries (super-cool GROCERIES), but I suppose it’s seemly enough.

And if you make it to your 100th wedding anniversary (??????) you get a ten-carat diamond. This renders me (almost) speechless (typeless?).

Let’s put aside all the other seemingly impossible aspects of making it to one’s ONE HUNDREDTH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY and think only about the logistical aspects of receiving or giving a TEN-KARAT DIAMOND when one is OVER one hundred years of age (other than affording said gem when one has outlived one’s fixed income several times over). A TEN-KARAT DIAMOND is larger than most individuals well over one hundred years of age. Wearing it would be out of the question (brittle bones + ginormous jewel = lil’ old person turned into a pile of dusty shards).

I apologize for these possibly repellent images, but I think I’ve uncovered a real problem here. This gift suggestion is cruel; this is elder abuse.

I am considering starting a petition with which we solicit a change by which the “proper” present for one’s 100th Wedding Anniversary is a balloon. Just ONE, not mylar. A balloon “bouquet” might carry a frail, unbelievably aged person right up into the atmosphere on an unintended journey into space.

Your support would be appreciated.

I AM Jessica Biel, Part Two

2 Aug 2007 In: I DON'T GET IT!, Just so You Know...

Who am I kidding? What, precisely, is there that I need to mull over?

Just take a LOOK at her me:

I may very well have subconsciously purloined at least part of the following analogy, but I don’t care. She appears I appear so luminous it’s as if she’s I’ve been swept by the faint iridescent magical dust of a thousand tiny faeries – each of them having left perfumed kisses containing a mélange of beguiling fragrance – every gentle caress redolent of the forest after rain and the subtle bouquet of fruit and blossoms.

In one fell swoop of whatever transmogrification or Freaky Friday magic is necessary, I would most GLADLY hand over to Ms. Biel the following:

  • Twelve years
  • The 1/2 inch height difference (I’d be shorter for THIS)
  • However many additional pounds I carry – a special gift JUST for her
  • My arthritis, asthma and all other festive health “issues” I will not itemize just now (they can be a SURPRISE)
  • My whole wretched life wrapped up in a BEAUTIFUL bow (I can make a very nice bow)

I’ll take her film career (I now realize that her very first film was that delightful little independent flick, Ulee’s Gold – HER FIRST FILM). I’ll take those offers for leads on Broadway. I’ll take the money and what are no doubt very nice digs. And I’ll CERTAINLY take this description:

Jessica Biel, with her striking good looks and wide range of talent, has become one of Hollywood’s most sought-out actresses. Her television series acting debut on the WB’s #1-rated show, “7th Heaven” (1996), has helped her emerge as a breakout star.

As a child Jessica initially pursued a career as a vocalist, performing in musical theater. Beginning at age nine, she starred in such productions as “Annie,” “The Sound of Music,” and “Beauty and the Beast.” A natural beauty, Jessica soon turned to modeling and commercial work by competing in The International Modeling and Talent Association’s Annual Conference in 1994.

After completing a year and a half of college at Tufts University in Boston, Jessica plans on going back to school in California for the remainder of her college years. In her spare time, she is involved with charities such as Best Friends Animal Sanctuary and PETA. Her hobbies include ballet, soccer, running, yoga and hiking with her dog “East.” Jessica currently resides in Los Angeles.

I never watched Seventh Heaven and Annie makes me cringe a bit, but as a package, it’s still a sweet, sweet deal.

She I can even carry off THIS:
Good Kitty!

As some of you may remember, my last two costumes (not counting the pink towel with questionable coverage) were “Crazy Cat Lady” and “Antarctica” (yes, the CONTINENT).

Grettir, since you’re the one who made this shocking revelation, I think you should be the one to make this metamorphosis complete. Jessica I would be most appreciative. And, if I read the “rags,” I’m sure I will find that I have already “moved on.”

Yes, indeed, I am Jessica Biel.

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1 Aug 2007 In: I DON'T GET IT!, Just so You Know...

Hold the phone, stop the presses – use any applicable metaphor that reflects suitable shock and awe at the prospect of this scenario: I AM JESSICA BIEL! I (along with the rest of the World’s sizable population) might deem this statement as laughable, absurd and utterly ludicrous. But, it was Grettir, the GURU who made the startling revelation. Consider the following excerpt:

For those of you who are new here, “Kate” is a really Jessica Biel, who can’t quite accept the fact that it’s over between us!

Move on, “Kate.”

All of this is confusing in many regards, I admit. First, I don’t know why Grettir prefaced this revelation with the phrase, “For those of you who are new here…” as everyone who has bothered to read TinyPineapple.com at all well knows, I have plagued almost every entry ever written on the site with my voluble and somewhat nonsensical comments, and this is the FIRST mention of “Kate” as “Jessica Biel.” It occurred to me that perhaps, JUST PERHAPS, this declaration of my “true” identity could be an ever-so-overly-deferential way of saying, “SHUT UP ALREADY, KATE.”

Jessica Biel ME

Then there’s the seeming incongruity of Grettir’s claim that he hasn’t been on a date in five thousand or so years and the assertion that “…it’s over between us.” This would imply that there WAS something between Grettir and I Jessica Biel. Considering that she is I am TWENTY-FIVE-YEARS OLD, in the interest of any VAGUE sense of propriety this would have to be a recent affaire de coeur. This discordance is especially upsetting in that I have Jessica Biel (?) has always considered Grettir to be a gentleman and a scholar who therefore should consider veracity preeminent.

Foremost, the – oh – minor detail that I have no memory whatsoever of my life as Jessica Biel myself is discomfiting, to say the least. And the fact that I have been witnessed on more than one occasion confusing Jessica Biel myself with Jennifer Beals of Flashdance fame is, to say the least, odd.

I, Jessica?, most certainly need to ponder this further.

Cheese Wisdom

Clifton Fadiman wrote that cheese is like milk's leap toward immortality, which is witty, but untrue. Velveeta is immortal, but it is not cheese; cheese is milk's leap toward a life of its own.John Thorne



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