Mostly whimsy and drivel of no consequence. And CHEESE.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: My Mother receives almost every catalog available in the known Universe. As some of you know, last holiday season I had grand aspirations of using her vast library as fodder for clever and thoughtful gift ideas. I look back on what I compiled, and I find it rather VERBOSE and consisting mostly of English foods with names that I find amusing. This notion was corroborated by the fact that last year Grettir AND The Blobby Farm both trumped me with cleverness and brevity. And what’s more, each accomplished this in a single entry (well, two for Grettir if you want to count this golden oldie).
Nonetheless, if you want to browse through last years “prime” gift picks (there’s a link in the sidebar as well), please do so. NO – I will not guarantee that any of the links are current. If they are broken, please just look at the pretty pictures.
Despite what I’ve just said, I can guarantee two things:
That said, notwithstanding the fact that I bagged the idea of “Kate’s Holiday Gift Ideas du Jour 2006” several months ago, I still browsed through stacks and piles and heaps of catalogs. This is, more often than not, an amusing pastime. Occasionally, though, one finds reason to be quite terrified.
This holiday season I was genuinely alarmed by the profusion of Nativities (Crèches – call them what you prefer) featuring – hmmm, let’s say “non-human” characters. Yes, indeed – I found teddy bears (fuzzy), snowmen, teddy bears (poly-resin), frogs and a few others that must have scared me so much that I’ve blocked them out completely. I would always show them to my Mother and tell her that I’d found the PERFECT Christmas gift just for her.
I should probably put this in context: In case you do not know, I am very hard to offend. And kitschy, tacky catalog items ordinarily amuse me. Moreover, to put this an even clearer perspective: I LOVE Life of Brian. I think it’s uproariously funny and don’t consider it the least bit blasphemous. In short, I am about as far from a right-wing religious conservative as you can get.
Yet I find the representations of the “Holy Family” as reptile or canine or ursine creatures to be CREEPY. This, apparently, brought out my Mother’s devious side.
One day there was a notice about a package that they wouldn’t deliver without someone home to accept it. Says she, “Oh no – they wouldn’t leave your ‘Get ready for Christmas’ present!” My Mother is the Queen of All Holidays, so it’s not strange that there were “Get ready for Christmas” gifts this year.
I did not have to wait very long to find out what festive surprise lay in store for me. The next evening I came home to found the following collection artfully arrayed on the dining room table:
It’s scary, yes, but I must admit that it’s hysterically amusing, too. I was going to try and take a picture of my ACTUAL Cat Nativity (my “Cativity”), but Fiona wanted to lounge voluptuously on the box behind it, which I’d wanted to artistically drape with black fabric (okay, with a jacket – it’s not like I’m Annie Freakin’ Leibovitz). So I stole the image from the merchant.
I cannot say I’m sorry, though, because when I searched for the picture I also found this description of the Cativity:
Sweetly sculpted of polyresin, each of these 9 figures is beautifully hand painted and delightfully detailed. Set includes Mary, Joseph, the 3 wise cats, shepherd cat, little drummer cat, angel cat and, of course, the baby kitten curled up in his makeshift crib. Largest figurine measures 4 3/4″H x 2 1/2″W x 2 1/2″D. Stable not included.
That’s right, no stable (and if you don’t know already, cats LOVE containers). I’m considering a surreptitious removal of my Mother’s LLadro Crèche figures from its satin underpinning and dazzling backdrop and replacing them with my Feline “Holy Family” and ensemble.
Last but not least, a disclaimer: If you like or worse, hold dear, any of these things I’ve just ridiculed, bear in mind I adore many things that others would find worthy of ridicule. I do not scoff at YOU – I’m mocking your STUFF. Everyone to their own tastes. Right?
*Hah! You thought I meant “cavity.” Coincidentally, I did have a cavity filled last week, but this was a very deliberate “CATIVITY.”
Zina
December 18th, 2006 at 10:42 pm
I figured out it was a cat-ivity and not a cavity about halfway down the page, before I saw the picture. I think I should get some kind of prize. And the prize I choose is: to not own a cativity!
I also really, really, hate dickies. You have just added to my level of gratitude this holiday season, in that I don’t have to own a feline creche, nor wear fake shirt fronts under my sweaters.
Abigail
December 19th, 2006 at 5:29 am
Sadly I think my mother in law would absolutely LOVE something like that… perhaps for next year. :: evil grin ::
terry
December 19th, 2006 at 9:55 pm
In the 70s we thought dickies were the cat’s ass.
Oh, sorry. That was my 00 version of Bee’s Knees.
lattégirl
December 20th, 2006 at 10:19 pm
The thought of Fiona lounging made me smile. Cats and dickies and lounging just all go together, yes? They are all so tied together as being incredibly cool.
Upon sober reflection, however (I find I must always read your entries twice, because it takes me that long to follow your endless digressions and then compose semi-cogent replies) I think the Cativity is just bad kitsch. The creators are playing on the sentiments of us insane cat lovers, thinking we will fall for ANYTHING, which you just proved.
So, thanks for that.
Oh. I just remembered. I dream about cats ALL the time. I do not think that this is due to my general and long-abiding love of cats. I do believe that cats are my spirit animals.
Small dogs, frogs, and amphibians also appear in my dreams, but mostly cats.
Just sayin…
You know I love ya.
tigger
December 24th, 2006 at 8:50 am
Happy Festivus, Kate! Thanks for the nativity idea. *snicker*
Michele
December 25th, 2006 at 12:47 am
Kate and you all,
I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!.
‘Mic’.
Kate
December 27th, 2006 at 2:06 am
And a Happy Christmas, et al. to EVERYONE!
Tigger, I shall consider the fact that you have mentioned Festivus in your blog AND you have sent warm Festivus greetings as a “FESTIVUS MIRACLE.” I needed a “Festivus Miracle,” as I tend to get all caught up in “The Airing of Grievances” and I cannot face the “Feats of Strength.”
Abigail, you should get the “cativity” NOW and you’ll have some of your holiday shopping done for next year BEFORE THIS YEAR IS EVEN OVER! Oh – and it’s very reasonably priced (AND, as I mentioned, “Sweetly sculpted of polyresin” – which is the fine Italian marble of the 21st century, I believe).
Zina
December 27th, 2006 at 9:41 pm
“Fine Italian marble of the 21st century”?!! That’s . . . poetry.
And, you know, I have to admit that the cativity *is* pretty cute (if a little troubling.)
Laura
January 1st, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Kate, I absolutely love the cativity. I also have loved looking over your blog entries. I can relate to all your “accidents”—I must have the same Bartholomew genes. I was rolling as I have frequently displayed my lack of “grace” also. Thanks for the good reading, Laurascoop.blogspot.com
Michele
January 7th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
As far as the “Fine Italian marble of the 21st century” is concerned: I come from Italy and I live in a beautiful region, what you call state. This region is called Toscana or Tuscany and you can find it in the center of my peninsula. In the north of ‘my’ Toscana there are two cities, Massa and Carrara, from which the most famous marble comes from. It’s very expensive, but I recommend it to you all.
; – )
Michele…
simone
December 5th, 2012 at 9:37 pm
Please where can I buy a cat nativity set like yours??
Jo-Ann
January 2nd, 2014 at 9:52 am
Kate-If you have tired of your cativity by now, I would love to buy it from you, I just saw one at our Vet’s office & would love to surprise my husband. Thanks!
Kate Bartholomew
January 2nd, 2014 at 7:07 pm
I’m so sorry, but I only love it more. However, it looks like they might still make it: CATIVITY