I realize that my judgment is a tad on the wonky side at the moment, but I found it utterly HILARIOUS to see this book for sale at a local bookstore:

I personally think that any bride and groom going for the divorce ON the wedding day is rushing things a bit.

The Complete Idiot’s Guide® to Surviving Divorce (2nd Edition)

Oh good – it’s available digitally as well as in print.

Yes, I realize that there are “Complete Idiot Guides®” and “For Dummies” books on myriad subjects, but this really took the cake (the wedding cake, shall we say). And speaking of “For Dummies”:

This cover REEKS of legality

Divorce for Dummies

It’s nice to know that, at a difficult time in your life, when you may feel particularly sensitive, emotional, and inadequate, these publishers and authors recognize that it is absolutely imperative to be able to make the personal distinction between being a “complete idiot” and a “dummy.” Everyone has their own inclination, after all. However, if you have no preference for one label over the other, you’ll be delighted to find that Amazon.com offers what they call the “Better Together” rate; if you buy BOTH books you get a reduced price (not to mention the beautifully entertaining irony of two books about divorce under the heading of “Better Together”).

I think the reviews on the book covers are very insightful. For instance, if you are a complete idiot:

A superb, practical, realistic yet compassionate manual to guide men and women through the minefield of the divorce process.

-George S. Stern, President, American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers

To be sure – I find it encouraging to know that the terms “superb,” “compassionate” and “complete idiot” can be entwined on the very same page. Better yet – if you are a dummy, you get sage insight from the front AND the back cover of your book, respectively:

Like a wise friend…Divorce for Dummies dispenses useful, timely advice to people at all stages of divorce.

-Diana Shepherd, Divorce Magazine

Reed and Ventura walk us through the toughest decisions many of us will ever make – with sensitivity and expert advice.

-Ellen G. Sanchez, M.Ed., Family Life Educator

Divorce Magazine? So there really is a magazine for every subject and demographic. I’d wondered… Also, it’s nice to know that one’s “wise friend” can “dispense useful, timely advice” while still calling one a dummy.

Incidentally, if you want just one definitive text, you don’t think you are a complete idiot, or you just strive to be really, really up-to-date, you might consider pre-ordering the “savvy guide to a split-up and starting a new life”:

Ah - such subtle and comforting cover art...

Divorce for Dummies (2nd Edition)

It will be available on June 27, 2005. The publishers assert, “The essential self-help divorce guide, now revised with over 25 percent updated content.” No doubt with “more fiber,” too. They also call it a “thorough, compassionate guide.” It’s a relief that they didn’t lose the “compassionate”/”dummy” juxtaposition.

I think I would hold out for the “Utter Failure” guides to arrive. Those would be exceedingly to the point.

But WAIT!!! Amazon.com is offering an additional $5.00 manufacturer’s rebate in from March 1 to March 31, 2005 in honor of their “celebration of Dummies Month.” In my defense, I did not know. Nevertheless, I have been deplorably remiss in my holiday greetings.
In that case, Happy Dummies’ Month, Everyone!!!