I found out today, on this auspicious opening of 2006, the scope of my Gilmore Girls addiction. Yes, on THIS day, when one should examine ones priorities and resolutions for the coming year and reflect philosophically on the death of the old year and the birth of the new and use it as a metaphor in deep conversation with ones loved ones over a ham dinner, I discovered just how critical my obsession had become.

Let me back up. I had only caught a few episodes of the Gilmore Girls until this season. I thought it was a very witty, fast-paced show with quirky yet well-rounded characters, but I’d never caught enough of the show consistently to become truly engrossed. Then Sarah received Seasons One, Two Three and Four of the show on DVD (for her birthday and Christmas from various sources). And my Mom purchased Season Five on a whim (so we are having a debate about whether or not Sarah owns it by default – I say NO, TALK TO THE HAND). We all started from the beginning of the series and have been individually watching the show on and off since mid-December. Sarah has been very generous with her DVDs, and thus far we’ve managed to work out the timing so that no one was bereft of episodes completely (and we’ve managed, with varying degrees of success, to watch them in order). UNTIL TONIGHT. After ham dinner (during which I’m afraid we probably discussed completely trifling and inconsequential topics – I cannot even remember what – WAIT – every time we have lit candles on the table with dinner recently we recall the festive occasion, oh so many years ago, upon which the dried flower arrangement in the center of the table caught on fire when someone – I REALLY don’t remember it being me and no one can prove otherwise – knocked a burning taper into it, and I maintain that it was the timely intervention of the gods of tasteful home decor sending a very blunt signal that the dead weeds HAD TO GO) I was doing a craft project (never fear – nothing involving protective eye-wear or solder or DremelĀ® tools or flying bits of red-hot semi-precious stones) and watching Season Three of Gilmore Girls. I had even convinced Shirleen to watch some episodes out of order because she’s on Season Two and therefore not too uninformed about the overall plot. But THEN, in the MIDDLE OF AN EPISODE – during a very tumultuous moment for Rory with her boyfriend, THEY SAID THEY WERE LEAVING WITH THE DISCS (I guess I had reached the same point in the series as Sarah). I cried, “But I’m in the middle of an episode!!!” But the merciless, callous SCOUNDRELS – who CLAIM to be FAMILY – ignored my repetitions, growing fainter and more hopeless of, “But I’m in the MIDDLE of an episode!!!”*

This is where it gets really sad. I started to sweat and feel faint and the desperation began to usurp all my faculties – I was JONESING for the Gilmore Girls. I considered body-slamming someone, stealing the discs, and locking myself into my bedroom (which is an actual KEYED lock – no nail opening THAT door – ha ha!) until they gave up and went home without them. Sanity crept in (a little), though, when I considered that Shirleen wasn’t feeling very well AND the lumbar region of her spine has been surgically fused and that Sarah has CANCER (she is doing EXTREMELY well with her treatment, incidentally), but you just cannot body-slam someone who has CANCER. It’s gauche. Uncouth.

So here I am, confessing my horrible weakness and trying to start anew for 2006:

Hi. I’m Kate and I’m a Gilmore Girls-aholic.

The first step IS admitting you have a problem, is it not?

By the by, Edward Herrmann’s daughter, Ryen (who, ironically, has a brother named Rory), vomited on me once. And I got to clean up a big pile of upchuck infused with WHOLE GRAPES from their doormat. Let’s just leave it at that. Well, I’ll add that he is, indeed, very tall, and he, unlike some actors, looks EXACTLY the same on screen as in person.

*Okay – big fat lie – they were sweet – even apologetic – about it actually, even though the DVDs (noting the possible exception of Season Five) BELONG to Sarah and, like I said, she’s been exceptionally generous with them.