Mostly whimsy and drivel of no consequence. And CHEESE.
Why do the workings – the very mechanism – of my brain STILL baffle me?
Just the other day, my Mother was telling me about Oprah and something very nice she’d done using “whatever the currency is in South Africa.”
“Rand,” I immediately said.
We both had a “what the…???” response to that one (especially because I was correct). Only a day before I’d had to ask her what a “cooked” cheese sandwich was called. I honestly couldn’t remember.
I’ll record THAT phrase here (well – it’s also in the comment I was writing at the time, but – CHEESE – Grommit!) for all posterity, as it is my duty as a noted Turophile:
GRILLED Cheese Sandwich
*NOT
terry
September 30th, 2006 at 8:56 am
Selective memory is a bit scary; in the past 2 weeks, I’ve momentarily forgotten basic things. Just a few days ago I couldn’t remember the word for peas, beans, etc. I had to ask someone I was chatting with in MSN. LEGUMES. Couldn’t, for the life of me, for about 10 minutes, think of the word.
I have actually become a little concerned, just lately, because I am reading things wrong, typing badly, and frequently forgetting what I’m doing. And right now, I’m having trouble putting this comment together.
Glad I had a CT scan earlier this year; otherwise, I would be much more concerned.
Heather
October 2nd, 2006 at 9:58 am
I too have this problem, and have been convinced on and off that I have had a stroke and just didn’t notice. Not only do I forget common words, I sometimes use the entirely wrong word (once, I said “marshmallow” for “chair”) without noticing. The anxiety is only made worse if you ever read books or articles in the New Yorker by Oliver Sacks, where you learn that these kinds of speech/memory problems are often early symptoms of all sorts of neurological disorders.
terry
October 5th, 2006 at 8:18 am
Heather: thanks for that 😉
I can see it 10 years down the road: there will be a home for bloggers afflicted with early Alzheimer’s. And maybe around the same time, they will declare blogging a health risk. By then, it will be too late for us. We will sit on marshmallows all day and be spoon-fed chairs.
Kate
October 5th, 2006 at 4:25 pm
I love “shmellows.” I’d sit on one any day.
Avoiding Oliver Sacks, especially The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat, is probably a very good idea. His writing was mentioned all the time at my last job, and we had the aforementioned book in our office library, but I instinctively avoided it, as I thought – PERHAPS – a time of personal mental crisis was not a time to delve into neurological disorders. I think it would behoove me to avoid it a little longer, even though I am a sucker for such clever titles
Kate
October 5th, 2006 at 5:03 pm
As for using the entirely wrong word, Heather, I have done that for YEARS. I believe that it is a genetic inheritance from my Father, who is the KING of malapropisms. That’s the wrong side of the family to infer any genetic inheritance for you, I suppose.
As for the stroke, take a look at your signature now and compare it to something you signed in the past. Do they look very similar? Then in my professional opinion (there is, believe it or not, precedent for what I’m saying to you – even if my “professional” opinion should really only be rendered in cases of singing, acting, a few other performance arts, teaching or the wildly varied administrative duties of office work), you’ve not had a stroke.
Oh – to that list add gift wrapping (I did this professionally for TWO different jobs), sales, retail management, retail crap in general, and the very life-changing knowledge gleaned from Western Union transactions and packing and shipping for a UPS drop-off (at the same place). I’m lumping most of my side forays – such as the field of law (deposition summaries, but mostly taking vast amounts of evidence from huge cases and processing it for databases), genetic research (though, as far as the actual medical procedures entailed, I was the guinea pig rather than the phlebotomist, etc.), medical ethics (again, guru of the paper and computer rather than being the teacher, moderator or actual researcher), and even Chemical Engineering (I did run a gas chromatograph system for a summer, but that was only for a summer – the rest of it has been organizational, paper, and computer wizardry of various kinds) – into the “wildly varied administrative duties of office work.”
My latest “word substitution” came about because I could not remember the term “Bigfoot.” So I was telling Shirleen about how “Sacajawea” was picking up a girl in this particular advertisement… She stopped me and asked, “Do you mean ‘Sasquatch’?” Yes, I did. When I said “Sacajawea” it didn’t sound quite right… But if you cannot remember the word “Bigfoot,” nor other synonyms, like “Yeti,” you give it your best shot. I must say, a Sasquatch dollar coin, though not as honouring and historical and such would be MUCH more scary than the Sacajawea coin. And it would trump a “loonie” and a “toonie” any day.
Of course, five minutes before the “Sacajawea” versus “Sasquatch” debacle, I’d correctly noted that Adam Beach is not Navajo, though he’s played a Navajo character in a number of films, and explained that he was actually Ojibwa (to be PERFECTLY accurate, I’ve looked that up and should add that he’s actually from the Saulteaux tribe in Manitoba (Canada), but is also a member of the Ojibwa Nation).
terry
October 5th, 2006 at 8:11 pm
“Malapropism.” God, I love that word. I’m so glad you used it so casually, so now I can, too.
You’re also scaring me with your erudition.
Heather
October 6th, 2006 at 7:56 am
The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat is the only Oliver Sacks book I’ve actually read, but he contributes to the New Yorker occasionally. I don’t think you actually have to avoid him because in reality, I have likely extrapolated only the neurological symptoms that feed my hyperchondria and there is no way that malapropisms are alone significant … that said, there are plenty of other interesting things to read that won’t scare you to death (leave that to your own imagination).
Based on the above, I take your professional opinion very seriously. I think you may have a career in professional recruitment– you could match people with the appropriate job for their personality with greater expertise than most recruiters because you have actually performed most of the jobs. I just used a recruiter to find a new job, as my employment situation was becoming desperate (that is, I have been unemployed for 2 months and need some $$ to pay the staggering mortgage and student loans), and she made $34,000 for landing me one! Yes, THREE zeros after the 34, no mistake.
jenny
October 10th, 2006 at 9:33 am
I’m so glad to hear that I’m not the only person with these problems. I won’t be able to remember whether I ate breakfast, or where my car keys are [in my hand]; but darned if I can’t whip your fanny in a round of “Trivial Pursuit.” The most inane, useless drivel sticks in my mind like warm gum on the sole of my shoe; but pertinent, useful, and/or important information slips through my brain like water through a…um…metal thing with holes in it. You know: the kind with the handle that you use to drain noodles and stuff. Scythe?
FORTUNATELY FOR ME: I have an actual, diagnosed neurological condition! With MRIs to prove it and EVERYTHING! How handy, to have a chronic illness you can pull out of your pocket whenever it’s convenient. (Plus, whoever you’re dealing with always feels guilty and ashamed for having been frustrated/furious with you in the first place. Wheee!)
Forgotten your child’s grade-school “Spotlight” day so many times that even the teacher suspects that you’re taking heavy painkillers = “I’m so, SO sorry, but I have MS…” Arrive at the doctor’s office for an appointment, only to find that you’re a full day late = “Darn it! You see, I have MS, and my memory stinks!” Standing at the door of the grocery store, about to leave; you find that you’re drooling and staring at the rapidly opening-and-closing automatic doors, trying to remember how many children you have and whether or not they’re all with you = “Children. 3? 4? Stupid MS.” Year Hattie McDaniel won “Best Supporting Actress” Oscar for “Gone With the Wind”? = a firm,immediate “1939.”
Kate
October 11th, 2006 at 6:23 am
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: JENNY, you really should write a blog. I NEED that extra amusement – and isn’t it all about MOI????
Oh – and you win. Hands down. Putting each and every one of us to shame. To SHAME. If neurology had an analogous relationship to rock-paper-scissors (?), MS would trump everything we have so far suggested; perhaps it is the nuclear bomb of the analogy (as I would have said MS was the “rock” but paper somehow smothers rock and NOTHING smothers the nuclear bomb). Lupus? Bah! Fibromyalgia? Child’s play! Even brain flatulence (a highly scientific term I’ve employed in the past) – HA!
Except I’ve been known to whip a few fannies in Trivial Pursuit myself…
P.S. In case it has escaped you at the moment, you have thirteen children as you have been enchanted since you were a wee babe by the concept of “a baker’s dozen.” I can tell you their names later if you need…
Kate
October 11th, 2006 at 6:41 am
Dearest Cousin Heather,
I wish that EVERYONE saw my…array of experience in a positive light. I cannot tell you how many times (oh so many years ago when I was GAINFULLY employed) I’d sit through a job interview wherein they could not hide how baffled they were at the “variety” of job experiences I’ve had.
And I usually attempt to “tailor” the resume as it is; if I included EVERYTHING I’d ever done I would have to use a 6-point font to fit into the recommended two-page format (I’m never applying for anything cool enough to justify having a curriculum vitae). The penchant I’ve often had for having two or three jobs at the same time complicates the whole thing even further.
Sometimes I have wanted to stand up and scream, “It’s an asset!!!! I’m extremely well-rounded (tee-hee),flexible (ha – that, too) and ADAPTABLE. I AM THE RENAISSANCE WOMAN; DEAL WITH IT!!!”
Instead, I employ what I shall call the “MEGA-gaffe” and embarrass myself beyond redemption.
$34,000??????? That’s more than a years salary at most of the jobs I’ve EVER HAD. I shouldn’t admit that… If I could count my hourly rate as an independent contractor (teaching voice, children’s music, coaching, killing myself for Bartholomew Consulting Services…) it would be much more, but it doesn’t work that way, does it.
jenny
October 12th, 2006 at 10:45 pm
Thirteen? Oh dear. There are only three in bed upstairs.