Mostly whimsy and drivel of no consequence. And CHEESE.
Almost from the beginning, I have regaled reader(s) with stories of my various falls, mishaps and the resultant bruises. But, since I ALWAYS have bruises (more than a dozen at the moment – just on my legs), I suppose it would be rather boring to mention them at all.
HOWEVER, I got a really striking (no pun intended) contusion last week. I barked my shin on something and thought, “That’s going to leave a mark.” This is, I suppose, a very common reflection of mine. But when I saw the resulting bruise, I have to admit that even I was impressed. It wasn’t so much the size (at it’s largest points, 4 1/2 inches wide and 2 5/8 inches long), but its remarkable likeness of something… I mused a while and then it struck me: I had South America on my leg. I’ve said before that my bruises resembled land masses, but never, so accurately and vividly, such a big ol’ continent.
It inspired me, in fact, to memorialize this injury, for all posterity, in an artistic fashion. In order to fit it on the page (and to precisely show the startling resemblance to South America), I had to flip the outline from horizontal to vertical (90° counter-clockwise, to be exact). And here it is:
SOUTH AMERICAN CONTUSION, 2006
Silver Sharpie® on 20 lb. All-Purpose Paper
I stuck to the outline, as I didn’t think I could capture the subtleties of the ever-changing hues and textures. Now, if you have a good memory, you may wonder why I would choose to render this important objet d’art with a Sharpie®, considering a particular incident in my past. Well, it was time to “get back on the horse,” so to speak. Besides, it’s PERMANENT marker (so I can preserve my contusion for time immemorial) and I used it on PLAIN PAPER.
Oh – by the way, I, Queen of Bruising OF THE WORLD, have found a great substance that actually helps bruises fade more quickly. It’s also supposed to help with pain, but I can’t really comment objectively on that, as I find that bruises mostly hurt when you poke them, and I haven’t done the necessary scientific pre- and post-medicinal poking of my bruises to give my opinion.
It’s Arnica (Arnica montana), also known as leopard’s bane. My favorite brand is Boiron Arnica Gel. It’s light and non-greasy (like it advertises – imagine that), and it doesn’t have a lot of extraneous junk in it.:
Arnica gel is also supposed to help with general bodily aches and stiffness. I haven’t tried it in this capacity. For muscle ache and such I like Tiger Balm:
It’s titillating yet soothing. And – BOY – nothing will keep people at least ten feet away from you like the mighty “tang” (or “stench” – a matter of opinion) of Ultra-Strength Tiger Balm.
terry
September 19th, 2006 at 8:28 pm
I hate to disrupt this cosmic contemplation of your bruise — and don’t think for one second that I’m not AT THIS INSTANT pulling out my atlas to check the shape of South America — to mention that this IE page says “Done, but with errors on page.” at the bottom.
Is there an error? Did you mean to make South America a link so that I wouldn’t have to haul out my atlas?
I cannot contribute anything more scintillating at this time. Until the next entry,
Yours,
Terry
Kate
September 20th, 2006 at 11:46 pm
Now, Terry, I just cannot help you if you use the EVIL web browser. I write everything using Firefox and every once in a while check what my page looks like on IE. Usually, I regret doing this because it’s spontaneously caused the page to get all mucked up – sometimes it will turn it into single column – you get the picture.
As for a link to South America, I considered it, but I have a confession to make. I ORIGINALLY wrote the entry saying that it was Africa (as the bruise, before fading somewhat, did look MORE like Africa). However, at the last minute I realized that my cousin, Jennette, had mentioned that she’d had Africa on her thigh once (a CONTUSION – of course), and wanted to be distinctive, unique. So it was too late to find the continental view I wanted…