Mostly whimsy and drivel of no consequence. And CHEESE.
Every morning at David and Julianne’s house Green Smoothie® is the breakfast preference du jour. When they’d visited at holidays I had looked askance at Green Smoothie®. Then I tried it. It’s downright scrum-diddly-umptious. Not to mention it’s full of vegetable and fruit and flax seed goodness sans sugar -and it’s so GREEN.
To successfully make Green Smoothie® it’s best to own the super extraordinary blender (like David’s and Julianne’s – they have connections) that can, evidently, pulverize an iPod. It takes raw power.
This is where I must take a moment to express my dismay at the heartless mistreatment of ANY fine Apple product. I’m sorry, but it is cold-hearted and brutal. If I hear that this demonstration is to take place again I shall have to bodily hurl myself in front of the salesperson who is about to push the button (this begs the question: How does one UN-bodily fling or throw themselves anywhere?) screaming, “Nooooooooooooooooo!” I would then offer up to be sacrificed a Walkman (from the 1980’s, you know, which is evidently an historical era ALREADY – a while back I had a sixteen-year-old voice student who told me they were studying the 1980’s in HISTORY CLASS as the 1960’s and 1970’s were SO overdone) and I would even load the Walkman with Air Supply’s Greatest Hits. Don’t ask where I could get that…
Aside from the iPod controversy, this blender is AMAZING. It grinds the fruits and the vegetables and the flax seeds like NUTHIN’. I smoked out a blender once (literally) just trying to make hummus. After seeing Green Smoothie® made a number of times, I offered to do it. I was given instructions, which included the detail that since spinach shrinks down so much you can really pack it to the top of the container. I unfortunately translated this packing method to the fruit container as well. Have you heard the expression, “Shrinking peaches?” Right. That’s because IT DOESN’T EXIST. Here are the results of my poor fruit eye-balling skills:
Luckily David and Julianne were dressing upstairs so that I could clean up the evidence. Now, one may ask why there is a container full of PINK smoothie that is somehow part of the Green Smoothie®. You see, both containers are dumped into the pitcher with the magic-mixing plunger, and once everything is fully incorporated, the green overwhelms everything (go CLOROPHYLL!!!). Then you have enough Green Smoothie® for several days.
But when my Father was in Maryland last week he MOCKED THE GREEN SMOOTHIE®. Openly. He showed disdain for it and “choked it down.” He’s lucky I still gave him the Trader Joes fruit spreads I’d purchased for him…
Jeannie
July 1st, 2007 at 8:27 pm
Who are you? I ask because I have an almost three year old son who loves pirates. I was looking on line for a pirate “big boy bed” for his third birthday and came across the back of a woman’s head with a rose tied in the back of her hair…I made the dreadful blooper of clicking on that picture – 2 hours later, here I sit reading your blog. You are captivating , and inspiring . I wish I knew you, but it seems as though you live in Utah (?). I live in Indiana, which might explain why I have plenty of time to read the ranting of a mad woman.
Anyhow, I enjoyed your blog…God bless you.
Jeannie Upton
Kate
July 1st, 2007 at 10:26 pm
Well, Jeannie,
I think you got it right with the last line of your paragraph. I am a mad woman (mad, MAD, I say!!!) and I rant. On and on as you’ve discovered.
I’m so glad that you enjoyed any of my rambling rantings…And I appreciate the sweet comments; I need a little boosting up. 🙂
I did PLAY a pirate once, eye patch and all (Ruth in The Pirates of Penzance) so I certainly understand your son’s admiration. Pirates are COOL.
And because I’ve evidently already wasted several hours of your time, here are a few links to “pirate beds” – not a single one with the back of my head emblazoned on it:
P.S. Are you crafty???
Zina
July 2nd, 2007 at 12:00 am
Never thought I’d say this, but I’m with your dad on this one. A lady in my neighborhood recently explained the green smoothie to me with great enthusiasm. I think I managed to nod and force a hint of a smile, but since I couldn’t think of a single good thing to say about any spinach beverage (no matter how tasty it’s described to be,) the conversation pretty much died at that point. I like my spinach fresh in salads, or cooked and served as a side dish with lemon juice on it, or cooked in lasagna, or cooked in Chicago-style stuffed pizza, or cooked in Indian food . . . you get the idea. I just don’t see the point of drinking it when there are so many other tasty options. The lady in my neighborhood does have a big garden, (which is what we were talking about when she mentioned the green smoothie,) but I think I would still cook mine and freeze it. (That is if I can ever get a garden to grow, which is a big “if.”)
Well, now that I’ve killed this conversation, let me say that I do have blender envy for that sweet machine, and am glad you’re working on your mad blending skilz. Have you seen it the video of the blended Barbies? Now that’s compelling, if disturbing, cinema.
Kate
July 2nd, 2007 at 1:35 am
I’m telling you, it’s GOOD. You have to try it before you judge it…
I wonder if that lady is Julianne’s Mom…
Valerie Winters
July 11th, 2007 at 10:44 am
Green smoothies are wonderful. I live on them!
VW
Deborah Gamble
August 1st, 2007 at 9:06 pm
How can you in good conscience post this without posting the recipe for the Green Smoothie? I want that!!! Really.
And if you do volunteer to pulverize a walkman with Air Supply’s Greatest Hits, it would only be a back up copy of the best love songs ever written. You’d keep the orignal copy. Right? Please tell me, “Yes”.
Kate
August 2nd, 2007 at 1:04 am
I’m not sure how proprietary David and Julianne feel about their version of the recipe. However, when I think about it, they don’t read my blog as a general rule (I’m afraid it’s because I am wont to say “ass” when someone least expects it and they find it disconcerting, bless their sweet, SWEET hearts (I say very sincerely). Either that, or David doesn’t want his super-secret workplace – that’s no lie – to trace my blog as something he reads).
Therefore, here’s the recipe (or if we want to be old-fashioned and cutesy, “The receipt”):
In blender container number one you put:
Kate
August 2nd, 2007 at 1:10 am
Pssst. Between you and I, Debbie, I’d keep the original Air Supply OR upgrade to CD OR buy it on iTunes so no one would be the wiser. SHHHHHHHH!
I play ukulele and have a whole blog category dedicated to my incessant clumsiness. I love my Kitten Children WAY TOO MUCH and am often called, “Crazy Heathen Aunt Kate.” Please, let’s keep this between you and me; I register so very high on the Geek-O-Meter® as it is…
Kate
August 3rd, 2007 at 5:16 pm
AHHH! I forgot the bananas! I always am forgetting some phallic fruit or vegetable… WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
That aside, put bananas in the fruit container. Yum.