Mostly whimsy and drivel of no consequence. And CHEESE.
Sexy Back
29Sep2007 Filed under: I DON'T GET IT! Author: Kate Bartholomew
Why didn’t anyone tell me that Jessica Biel I have been dating Justin Timberlake since May at least? Some sources say as long as a YEAR! Boy, have I been busy. I have accepted that my being Jessica Biel means the existence of an alternate parallel Universe that clearly I don’t get to consciously experience. And I need to watch the E! a little more, I guess, as that’s how I found out about my “love life” in the wee hours of the morning. What’s with THE EMPHATIC EXCLAMATION POINT ASSOCIATED WITH ENTERTAINMENT TELEVISION®? I even TYPED it with extra (and unnecessary force); I felt compelled.
We’re HOT. Smokin’.
Ironically, I heard Justin – my Sweetie Pie? (Cookie Face? Honey Buns???) – allude to our relationship on Oprah, which I don’t watch very often, but happened to catch just LAST WEEK. He didn’t mention her me by name, though he said, “But all I can tell you is she smells lovely.” AND he sang a a lovely duet with Reba McEntire that HE wrote. Sorry – that all makes me a little verklempt – please talk amongst yourselves. Choose your own damn topic. And look at all the pictures of Justin and Jessica me; we’re eye candy.
Phew. Okay. Now will someone PLEASE tell me how I get into that alternate reality? Even if it’s just for a little while? I could use a trip to Europe and being one of the “young and beautiful” and some MONEY and all that jazz. I know that the paparazzi gets old, and Hollywood relationships don’t tend to last very long, and the shallowness, blah, blah, BLAH, so I’ll just settle for a TASTE of young, fashionable celebrity dating – fifteen minutes of fame – just a piffling soupçon. That’s ALL I ASK.
I wonder if I would have motion sickness (and asthma, et al.) in my parallel alternate Universe? It would be a little inconvenient for the jet-setting and such.
Brian
September 29th, 2007 at 2:59 pm
Since you are little out of it (apparently), I thought I would also inform you that 2005 you were named sexiest woman of the year. Sorry you missed it.
Jessica Biel named ‘sexiest woman alive’
Kate - I mean Jessica Biel
September 29th, 2007 at 7:03 pm
Yes, “a little out of it” is an understatement.” Whatever the superlative form of “out of it” is, ’tis I. Amen.
Thank you so much for keeping me informed. “Sexiest Woman Alive?” Wow. I would love to claim that I had at least a brief inexplicable “special” feeling – walking with a little extra bounce in my step – back at that point in 2005. I was ignorant – and NOT blissfully so – of the whole situation.
Too bad, so sad,
Kate
🙁
P.S. NOSE!
Deborah Gamble
October 1st, 2007 at 9:09 pm
Someday when I grow up or shrink skinny, I want to look just like you!
Kate - I mean Jessica Biel
October 1st, 2007 at 11:54 pm
Me, too.
Kate – no- JESSICA BIEL
lattegirl
October 10th, 2007 at 4:47 am
I don’t really “get” the current line of thinking that J-T is sexy. Or even remotely handsome. I think he looks like a weasel. Jessica — I mean, you — on the other hand, are pretty fetching. I continue to maintain, however, that Alba is hotter. Sorry, dude.