My hair has surpassed the Schubert-like Schwammerl phase. I am now in the stage where I emulate Beethoven’s late-life hearing-impaired deteriorating-into-madness coiffure.

The upside is that it might inspire some brilliant and revolutionary string quartets (hey – I actually composed a string quartet once – and a REAL string quartet played it…once – and that was enough. It was called I Laugh Like Chester Bean).

Confusing, you say? Let me introduce my new theory – created this very minute: Beethoven’s late-stage, ground-breaking compositions were a direct result of the status of his hair.

I’m going to give everyone time to mull that over for a while.