Mostly whimsy and drivel of no consequence. And CHEESE.
My New Phone is STARKERS
14Aug2006 Filed under: Just so You Know... Author: Kate BartholomewLast Thursday was CHOCK-FULL. Chock-Full o’ what (you have to use “o'” – I promise – even if it’s NOT “Chock-Full O’ Nuts”)? CHOCK-FULL O’ SURREALITY, I must say. But I shan’t go into all of that right now. Let’s just talk mobile phones.
Yes, indeed, my new phone is NAKED as the day it was born. (?) So much for my new MODEST – not TOPLESS – phone. It has a POUCH, because evidently it is a nascent marsupial of some variety. But, in order to USE the handset, one must remove it from the cozy safety of it’s pouch; there it is in a nude, vulnerable state (believe me – it is in imminent peril because I WILL drop it – not deliberately, but it will happen); it’s in DANGER, I tell you.
The Marsupial’s Pouch
Okay, secretly, I still think it’s SUPER-COOL. And, yes, I realize that the mere fact that I would employ that term means that I am, indeed, NOT “SUPER-COOL.” I don’t care. My phone takes WEE, TINY MOVIES. That is, I believe, why it cannot have “leathers,” actually. The top of the phone pivots so you can play mini cinematographer. And it takes a WEE, TINY Micro SD/Transflash card – so WEE!!!
AND I have a wireless Bluetooth headset. This means I can walk about looking COOL (or pretentious, I’m not sure which, but I’m going with COOL at this juncture).
My new naked phone is also an MP3 player, can take voice memos, plays TV and movie clips (I’ve been watching little snippets of The Daily Show) and can launch The Space Shuttle (the BEST one, you can be certain) from ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD. Okay, doubt what you will, but my phone can also be a SPY. Here is one of it’s possible disguises (I’m compromising National Security – but since it’s Monday, how could I possibly make it any worse?).
Oh, ye unsuspecting civilians, you may THINK it’s just a fuzzy-wuzzy lady bug, but in truth, IT IS A DEADLY PHONE. BEWARE: It may also be disguised as a teddy bear or a panda bear. I’m not kidding.
Shirleen
August 14th, 2006 at 9:35 am
My phone is not starkers, it is downright boring and even the lovely features it must have are a mystery to me. Yes, I admit that I am cell-technology challenged. So far all that I’ve managed to make my phone do is to make “phone-calls” and play an occasional game of sudoku.
Kate
August 14th, 2006 at 12:42 pm
And the irony is you’re probably due for an upgrade…
Kate
August 15th, 2006 at 8:39 am
Oh – my naked phone also has an “Intenna.” Yes – not an antenna, an “Intenna.” I’m COOL. (Please don’t feel the need to destroy my little illusions; they are so ephemeral – besides, I already KNOW they are fantasies.)
ZayZayEM
August 16th, 2006 at 8:21 pm
The micro SD is insanely small… I was laughing when the shop guys showed it too me, I could accidentally swallow it easily (you know, if for some reason it was near my mouth). Actually IO could probably manage that with the mini-SD too, the full size one actually has the bulk to present difficulty though.
In reply:
I still don’t trust cheese past its use by date. I know cheese is basically accelerated stale milk, but as I’ve also been involved in making plastic from accelerated dairy – I’m still gonna be a stickler for designated health warnings.
Kate
August 17th, 2006 at 10:37 am
Fine, fine. Like I said, I would generally agree with you (as Kate the Safety Dog), but CHEESE is my exception to EVERYTHING. (?)
Yes, the micro SD is, indeed, WEE BEYOND BELIEF, but I have a great fondness for the ridiculously miniature (anyone who knows my will attest to this fact). That is why I own my own tiny island in a bottle. Seriously.
On a slightly related note, I have no doubt that I could swallow a FULL-SIZE SD card (you know, if for some reason it was near my mouth), because I have amazed people with my [dubious] talent for swallowing a large number of pills all at once (including a number of so-called “horse” pills – the official size rating for anything bigger than your standard capsule). If only I could get paid for this skill…