The other night, while “channel-surfing” (which I don’t often do, as I grew up with Charles and his attention-deficit version of channel-surfing which is enough to make one dizzy and nauseated – it’s almost psychedelic), I happened across a repeat of a Conan O’Brien show featuring Kate Beckinsale (ÜBER-WENCH), and she was completely charming (curse her). Conan said that he’d heard that she’s a performer who hates to watch her own movies. She validated this as truth in a self-deprecating manner with just the right soupçon of charisma and allure incarnate. I hate her. In a nice way.
What would I do if I were so HIDEOUS?

She said that she was well-aware that she had “huge teeth.” Hmmm. Pearly white, PERFECT teeth (and she’s BRITISH). She then recounted an anecdote (CHARMING, of course) in which her husband had recently coerced her into watching something she’d been in. She maintained that she was horrified:

I looked like a giant, militant, lesbian squirrel.

Now this is FUNNY, too. I detest her. And I don’t know that it’s in a nice way…

Then she said:

My head is gigantic; it’s like Easter Island

Ha! Now this one I can trump. I’ll show HER a ginormous head. Easter Island? Phhhht. I have a noggin like the Great Pyramid of Giza. Take THAT, other Kate.